The Uncomfortable AF Thing That Happened At Winery That I BET Has Happened To You Too

The other day I dolled myself up and headed over to a local winery to celebrate a dear friend’s 30th birthday. I only had a few precious hours to spare because I had to get back to my own children, not to mention it was a Sunday and I had approximately 788 things to do to get ready for the week.

The winery was PACKED. My friends and I posted up on a grassy spot and were on the look out for the next table to become available. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw this man, standing alone, drinking a glass of wine. My woman spidey sense was piqued. This guy had creeper vibes alllll over him.

If you have a vagina, you totally know what I’m saying. Women are always on the look out for predators and I knew this man was here, at the winery alone, looking for something or someone. Yuck.

And my spidey sense was spot on, because surprise, surprise, this man turned out to be a creepy ass weirdo.

A table opened up and I grabbed the birthday girl to head over and check it out with me, leaving my other friend alone. (If the table was reserved or if another party got to it before us, I wanted us to have our grassy area still, hence why one friend stayed behind) Predators are clever. As soon as my friend and I were on our way to grab the table, creep bag McGee approached my lone friend.

I swear to you, it was like he was this nasty hyena waiting for an opportunity to attack the lone gazelle. (and I would NEVER give this individual the satisfaction of being something majestic like a lion.)

And can I just take this time to point out that men love to joke and point fun at women who go to the bathroom in groups, or head to the bar together. It is EXACTLY for this reason.

What happened next, was creepy dude pressured my friend into allowing him to join our group. He showed up at the table and proceeded to try to impress us with pointless banter and questions.

As I sat there with my friends, the minutes dripping down until I would have to leave to return home, I felt oddly powerless. I wanted this man to leave. I wanted to spend time with my FRIENDS. But for some reason (actually there’s like a billion reasons) I couldn’t bring myself to tell this guy to fuck off.

You see, this man wasn’t overtly hitting on us, getting too close for comfort, or saying sleazy things. Instead, he was just occupying this private space that was intended for me and my friends alone.

In the end, the poor birthday girl wound up getting up and asking for some support from the waitstaff of the winery. A huge bouncer dude approached our table, pulled creepy dude away and explained we didn’t want him there. But wait, it gets better.

Creepy dude COMES BACK to the table and calls us out for not wanting him there. “Look,” I said. “We are here with my friend for her birthday and we just want to enjoy our afternoon. We mean no harm to you, we just want to be left alone.” The guy huffed and puffed a little more and then finally left.

Unfortunately, the rest of the day was colored by this incident. My adrenaline was pumping over the fact that this man returned to the table to shame us over us not wanting him there. We all wondered where he had gone to and if he was still at the winery somewhere. Would he be in the parking lot as I left to go home?

From this incident, I realize that even though I tout myself as a strong woman, I have a lot of learning and growing to do. I realize that it is SO DIFFICULT to break out of the mold that society creates for women.

Girls and women are implicitly and explicitly taught to smooth over conflict, avoid confrontation, and come across as pleasant. Outward forms of anger are simply not as tolerated or accepted as they are when they come from men. This needs to change.

I have compiled a list of 5 things you can do get to creepy men to leave you tf alone. PUH-LEASE leave a comment adding to this list if you have more ideas, mamas! The more information and power we spread to one another- the better.

  1. Assert yourself using body language. Oftentimes creepy guys look for the women that look the most vulnerable. Fully turn your body towards the creep, look him in the eye, and tell him that you are not interested in a serious and stern voice. After that, turn your body away or if you can, walk away.
  2. Envision what your night/day/event would look like if this person WASN’T all up in your grill. I know you work DAMN hard to line up childcare, coordinate schedules, and ACTUALLY make it out of your house to meet up with friends and loved ones. How DARE another individual come and eff that up for you! Envision what your experience could be like if this person wasn’t disrespecting your boundaries and use that anger to tell him off.
  3. Envision what you would want your daughter, sister, friend, or loved one to do in the same situation. If someone was blowing past my kid’s boundaries I would want her to tell that guy to fuckkk offff in the clearest, most obvious way possible. WHY do we struggle so much when it comes to delivering that same advice to ourselves? Imagine if your daughter/niece/other young girl was there watching you in that situation. Respond in a way that would make her proud.
  4. Be honest but assertive. Something like, “No thank you. I’m here to spend time with my friends/family/co-workers. Have a good night!” (Here’s where I need to start taking my own advice!) Keep repeating “No thank you” until he realizes he cannot twist that into something else.
  5. Have a plan in place with your friends. A code word? A trip to the bathroom, stat? Have a plan in place so everyone is in on the operation and you can put it into action if needed.
  6. Remember it’s okay to ask for help. If someone still isn’t respecting your boundaries after you have been assertive, find another person you trust and let them know what is going on. Maybe they can tell the creep off in a way he actually will understand.

And finally I want to remind alllll of the moms out there again that we need to teach our daughters that being polite and kind isn’t always the answer. Teach your child to listen to her gut instincts and when someone makes her feel yucky, teach her to use her VOICE and get the hell out of there.

What are your thoughts? What is the craziest thing you have had to do to get out of a situation with a creep-bag? Do you have any other advice for women out there when faced with a similar situation? I would love to hear! Leave me a comment or email me at getempoweredmama@gmail.com!

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How to Finally Go After Your Dreams Like the Boss You Are, Mama

When I tell people I teach middle school, I often get horrified looks and comments like, “I could never do that.” People want to hear the horror stories or they are curious about what today’s adolescent is really like.

Yes, middle school students are totally in that awkward stage between budding future leader and self absorbed child, but I think what might surprise most is how often these kids teach me things.

The other day my 6th grade students and I were were going over this short, but super powerful poem by Langston Hughes titled ‘Harlem’. Get educated and read the poem for yourself, mama! It’s a good one:


It’s a pretty powerful little piece of literature, right!? That Langston Hughes… he sure knew what he was talking about.

So, after reading the poem aloud a few times and finding the rhyme scheme and all that jazz, part of the lesson was for my students to engage in a discussion based off of a few questions that accompanied the poem.

The first question my students were asked to ponder was, “Why do you think people put off going after their dreams?” I looked at them and I said, “Guys we live in the best country in the WORLD. We have free will. We can do whateverrrr we want in our lives, right? So WHY do so many people out there putt off their hopes and their dreams?”

Those little sixth graders did not miss a BEAT, you guys. Hands were flying in the air:

“People just get so distracted you know? By everything else that they HAVE to do versus what they really want to do. Like with their job and their kids and their life.”

“Mrs. Roberts, people are SCARED of following their dreams. Sometimes they think their dream is too big and they think they just won’t be able to do it. They are afraid they will fail.”

“Sometimes, ya know, people can be embarrassed by their dream or they think someone might make fun of them. People can be so mean.”

Mamas. I. Was. Shook. I just stared at this group of 11 and 12 year olds with my mouth agape and I almost whispered, “Yea. Yea, you guys are so so right. All of that. All of that is so, so true.” It was like these kids were speaking directly to my HEART.

Every SINGLE thing my students mentioned about why people postpone their dreams, I had felt times 1,000. Actually going after what you really want is freaking terrifying, am I RIGHT?

But the whole thing just gets better you guys. Back to my class. (I hope you have your tea, sis.) So after my initial shock over how simplistic, yet profound my students’ first response was, I hit em with the second discussion question: “What do you think Langston Hughes would say to someone that was planning on putting off their dreams?”

The responses immediately started pouring in:

“He would say you only get one life!”

“He would tell you just go for it!”

“He would say even though it’s scary YOU CAN DO IT!”

And then this one kid, that never really has anything too special to say just blurted out, “He would tell you to GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY.”

You guys, I know it sounds dramatic, but I almost couldn’t speak. I was practically in tears. It was like these children spoke directly to my fears, and then told me, You can do it. Just go for your dreams, Mrs. Roberts.

Most of them haven’t been kicked in the teeth by life yet. Most of them haven’t yet experienced the aching pain of true failure. But that’s the exact reason why I was so moved by their words.

They are children. And I get that. Most of them haven’t been kicked in the teeth by life yet. Most of them haven’t yet experienced the aching pain of true failure. But that’s the exact reason why I was so moved by their words. What they had to say came from a place of true honesty and sincerity.

Don’t you just wish you could see the world through the eyes of a child just one more day? Don’t you wish you could hang on to the confidence and assurance that the universe will deliver you everything you want and need?

So, I did a thing. I left work that day with my students’ and Hughes’ voices rattling around in my heart and my head, and I went home, and you know what I did, guys? I started going after one of my dreams. I just did it before I could even really think about what I was doing to stop myself.

I had been keeping this dream quiet for awhile. It just seemed like too much. I could hear people I love telling me I already have too much on my plate. It just seemed silly. I was afraid that no one would like the idea. I was afraid people would think it was stupid. But I did it any way.

For awhile now I’ve had the dream of taking my blog and my ideas from the screen… and into the REAL world. Yep. I wanted to start something where I could meet with women face to face and work towards building an in-person community where women could come together, discuss their own fears, hopes and dreams, and just empower the hell out of one another.

So I created a Meet Up Group to do just that! For those of you not familiar with Meetup.com first of all, welcome to an awesome resource for finding cool events and people around you. You should SERIOUSLY take a look. Even if you’re not interested in my event, there are SO many ideas for you to check out! Seriously anything. Dogs, cooking, religion, crafts, cars, hiking, money… there a trillion different groups of people out there that want to meet YOU.

Truly, when I say I did it before I couldn’t stop myself, I’m not lying. At one point while I was setting up my group online, I had this idea that I needed to take a break and really think about the descriptions I wanted to include and blah blah blah.

Go to http://www.meetup.com to check out events and groups in your area. Do it!

But I decided to push through because I knew I NEEDED to get it done right then and there. And I was worried that if I took a break, I would never return to the site, finish the process of setting up the group, and my dream would still be sitting there, now in a server somewhere far, far away. Have you ever done that? Started in on something and then abandoned it because you were just too busy, or too afraid to actually go for it?

You guys, when I finally pressed submit to make my group live, I was a mess. Those thoughts of self-doubt and fear were raging. I busied myself with tasks around the house and pushed the whole thing from my mind.

I didn’t advertise my group on any other social media platform. I didn’t tell ANYONE that I had created a group. Instead I just kept quiet about it and I truly thought that no one would sign up to attend my event, the date would come and go, and I could at least say I tried to a certain extent.

But then the craziest thing happened, you guys. Women, started to JOIN my GROUP. And THEN… women RSVP’d that they would ACTUALLY ATTEND MY EVENT. And these are like real life people from the world.

It’s not like I called my mom and was like, Mom please join this group so I have at least one member and I don’t look like a complete loser. God only knows I have done that before though. Aint no shame in that game, either. (And thanks, for all the times you have done that for me, Mom.)

So it’s happening. Next week I’m actualizing my dream. I’m facilitating an event that will feature journaling, discussion, and fitness. I’m going to have the cucumber strawberry infused water, (I’ve mentioned the cucumber-strawberry infused water like 46,000 times already to anyone that will listen. I just feel that it will really set the mood.)

You guys, I am scared to DEATH. I still have those fears like, who am I to set up this group? Why would someone want to listen to me? But you know what? That voice is an effing liar. I’m doing this, you guys. This blog has empowered me and so many of you out there and now… I’m bringing it to the real world. I do have important things to say, so I’m going to say them.

And you know WHAT? YOU have important things to say. YOU have a bad ass story to tell. So what are your dreams?? Do you want to become certified to teach a class? Do you want to take up a new creative hobby that will serve as a well deserved outlet? Do you want to go back to school? Do you want to switch you career? Is your dream so freaking big that you don’t even WANT to tell anyone about it? That’s when you KNOW you’ve got a good one, girl.

Check out Meetup.com and if you are interested, I would LOVE for you to join my event. If you do attend, it will be our little secret that while I am smiling and leading and empowering you, I’ll also be nervous and terrified expecting everyone to pack up and leave 5 minutes in because they think I suck…

But know that I’m gonna show tf up any way. I’m going to be scared as hell, but I’m going to do this. And I’m going to kick some serious ass. I’m going after this dream, you guys.

So in the spirit of my 6th graders, remember, you only get one life, you can do it, and just GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY. Don’t let those dreams die. Dream it and make it happen, girl. You are worth it.

Have a great week friends. I’m right there with ya in them trenches. We got this.

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4 Resolutions That Don’t Suck

Um, can I just say 2018 kicked. my. ass.  It was a brutal one, you guys.  I am definitely realistic in understanding that 2019 is going to most like rock me as well, but you know what?  I refuse to let fear, sadness, and anger rule my life.  I know Target Dollar Spot is already replete with Valentine’s Day decor, hell, probably Saint Patrick’s Day by this point, but I have been mulling over my goals for 2019 and I’ve come up with some pretty powerful ideas that I hope you can implement as well, mamacita.

Start freaking doing instead of waiting.  We live super close to a Ritchie’s diner in town.  I cannot tell you HOW many times I’ve literally said out loud, “Let’s ride our bikes to Ritchie’s some time!”  And thennn I never made it happen.  Do you have anything like that in your life?  Something you have been saying you want to do, or something you want to accomplish, or a dream that you want to achieve, but you just WAIT?  I feel like I have this habit of constantly WAITING.  Waiting to figure out what art or decor to put on my walls, waiting to make the move to get a group fitness certification, waiting to start my Masters… I just WAIT.  And I overthink.  And I second guess myself.  Andddd the walls are bare in my house.  And then I get caught up in the mundane stuff like emptying the dishwasher, scrolling through my phone, or any of the other trillion tasks that I find myself doing on a regular basis.  Please tell me you know what I’m talking about. Continue reading “4 Resolutions That Don’t Suck”

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10 Things the Empowered Woman In Your Life Wants & Needs!

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Yes, this post contains affiliate links.  I do receive a commission if you were to purchase something via the link in this blog.  Please know, I would never recommend something I do not fully believe in!  Please check out my disclosure page if you would like more info.

That smarty Jeff Bezos (founder of Amazon) has got us all amped up for Amazon Prime Day!  I thought I would put together some fun things that the empowered women in your life totally want and need.  Remember, it is NEVER too late to start getting your Christmas shopping done!

Frida Kahlo backpack/purse

Who wouldn’t want to rock this cool backpack with one of the world’s most influential and amazing female artists on it!?

The Handmaid’s Tale

If you are a fan of the show, then you NEED to read the OG book.  I read this in college and it gave me GOOSEBUMPS.  It is such a powerful reminder that women’s right are human rights.

Empowered Woman Coloring Book

Who doesn’t love to color!?  Relax, focus, and empower yourself with the positive messages found in this fierce coloring book.

Rad Women Worldwide Book

You need this for your coffee table.  Duh.  Educate yourself by learning about powerful women that have paved the path for the rest of us.

Delicate Flower Socks

Maybe you can wear these under your boots this coming fall!?  Or how about loud and proud at the gym?  You are such an amazing delicate effing flower, mama.  Get itttt. Continue reading “10 Things the Empowered Woman In Your Life Wants & Needs!”

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5 Things You NEED to STOP Saying to Empower Yourself, Mama!

This post contains a few affiliate links.  Please know I would never recommend a service or product that I do not love and personally use!  You can check out my disclosure page if you have any questions or concerns.  

Yo I’m Emily, I’m 30, and I’m going through some roughhhh times.  I’m fighting a lot of nasty head noise these days, but I’m doing my best to empower myself and come out of my situation stronger than ever.  I’m doing everything I can to show up, be present, and spread positivity to myself and those around me (especially to the awesome mamas out there that are working hard and holding it down!).  I’ve found that there are some ideas that have been floating around in my head for awhile that are not healthy and are actually holding me back as a woman.  I’ve made the decision to consciously remove them from my brain. Here are five things we need to give up in our vocabulary, ladies.

I just need ________________ and then I’ll be happy.  I need to lose weight, I need to be better about getting to the gym, I need more friends, I need to make more money, I need my skin to clear up, I need this man to make me feel special, I need to have this many likes on social media… The list could go on and ON.  No. NOOOOO.  You don’t need ANY of that shit to be happy.  Lemme say that again for the people in the back: YOU DO NOT NEED EXTRINSIC THINGS IN ORDER TO BE HAPPY.  Okay, I’m going to say something truly cliche and you may wanna punch me… You guys, happiness comes from inside your own brain.  Truly.  I read this AMAZING AF article that was originally published by The Cut that centered on an extremely popular course at Yale.  The class is alllll about how to be happy.  Seriously.  A course designated to help people legitimately learn what happiness is and effective strategies for how to obtain happiness.  I read this article like, every week to remind myself of its merits!!  I’m not kidding. Continue reading “5 Things You NEED to STOP Saying to Empower Yourself, Mama!”

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How I Free Up 3+ Hours of My Weekend by Using THIS

There’s totally affiliate links in here, I’m not going to lie to you.  But I would NEVER promote a product or service that I do not completely believe in and use personally.  Please see my disclosure page for more info.

Hi, I’m Emily and when I’m not kicking ass in the gym or getting snacks for my kids for the millionth time or contemplating my new life as a person going through a divorce…I’m teaching sixth graders!  (If you would like to hear more about what led me on this journey of empowering myself and other women, check out this post, mama.)  Yes, that’s my day job, mamas.  I feel so blessed to be able to say that I really do love my career.  Teaching is such a phenomenally rewarding, intense, evolving, and dynamic profession.  But if you have never actually sat in and observed a teacher (and I mean a good teacher that believes in their work and brings it 100% each day) then you wouldn’t truly understand how it can also be so so so draining.  I spend many of my days in constant motion, moving around from table to table, interacting with 90 + kids, using my teacher voice, redirecting Johnny for the 14th time, and trying everything in my human ability to get these awesome kids to learn a new concept.  And when I come home, I am so. freaking. tired.

I know I am preaching to the choir that our weekends go by in a flash.  (PREACH, mama!)  I, like so many other people out there, used to spend a good chunk of my Saturday doing something I realllllly didn’t like doing: grocery shopping.  Yea, I know there are people that like to grocery shop and find it very therapeutic and blah blah blah.  I am NOT one of those individuals.  You know what I’m thinking about when I grocery shop?  Here, I’ll just give you a snippet of what is happening in my brain/what I am saying as I casually stroll down the bread aisle:

Okay I got the peanut butter…wait where’s Grant?  Omg he’s been abducted, and we are going to end up on Dateline.  Wait, no he’s right here.  Hmmm… do we have refried beans?  I should get some.  Wait, should I get some?  Didn’t I buy some last week?  Omg where is Grant?  Okay he’s here with Claire.  “NO we are NOT getting that, put it back NOW.” WHY are there like 4,000 people in this store right now?  WHY can’t my kids just stay by the cart, instead of suddenly becoming possessed by the grocery store goblin and acting like PSYCHOPATHS for the entire duration of this experience?  Ohhhh Poptarts, I do love Poptarts.  WAIT, where’s Claire!? Continue reading “How I Free Up 3+ Hours of My Weekend by Using THIS”

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My #1 Exercise to Push Through Tough Times & Empower Myself to Get On With My Day

I’m in a weird spot friends.  I’ve made the crazy painful and difficult decision that I need to end my marriage.  At times I feel SO insanely overwhelmed with the fact that my life is going to be dramatically changing during the course of this next year.  I freakkkk out when I think about Christmas (check out this post here to see how I am dealing with my holiday season fears), my kids having two different households, and what it will mean for me to be single woman in this crazy ass world. (Omg deep breaths)  Continue reading “My #1 Exercise to Push Through Tough Times & Empower Myself to Get On With My Day”

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Empower Yourself By Getting Ready for the Holidays…in JULY

I have a confession… I am not a Christmas kind of person.  Don’t leave!  It’s just that I get super overwhelmed thinking I have to participate in every traditional Christmas experience that goes along with the holiday:  making cookies, putting up the lights and tree, adding decorations around the house and outside, gifts for teachers, gifts for neighbors, gifts for this and that extended family member, caroling, family Christmas cards to send out (Omg am I even going to send those out this year!?)… The list goes on and on and I’m sure I’ve barely scraped the surface knowing all of you Christmas fanatics out there.

This year, I expect my holiday season to look very, very different.  Extremely different.  As a woman going through the initial stages of divorce, when I think about the holidays I want to ask for a rain check and go to sleep for like a million years.  When I first realized that my marriage was over and I was going to proceed with divorce, I literally sobbed thinking about Christmas.  HOW the HELL would I do this!?  Continue reading “Empower Yourself By Getting Ready for the Holidays…in JULY”

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How to Respond When People Tell You, “Your Daughter is SO Beautiful!”

I know everyone says their kids are gorgeous, but seriously guys, my daughter is gorgeous.  Yes, I KNOW I am biased, duh.  But I truly mean she is stunning.  If you have ever met Claire, then you would know this to be true.  Claire is part Indonesian, part Japanese, part Polish and 100% American.  Ever since she was a baby, complete strangers would make comments about her looks.  “Those eyes!”, “That skin!”  And if I’m being completely honest, my heart is filled with pride over that fact that I was apart of creating such a beautiful human.

Claire, now age 6 and half, completely understands what these strangers are saying about her when they offer these compliments to me.  While she knows people admire her for her unusual skin and eye combo, she doesn’t get what all the hype is about.  “Mama, do I have tan skin?”, she’ll ask me.  Or she’ll tell me, “My eyes are like daddy’s eyes.  Buddy doesn’t have eyes like me.”  She is becoming aware of herself and how others perceive her and it freaks me out. Continue reading “How to Respond When People Tell You, “Your Daughter is SO Beautiful!””

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5 Ways to Empower Yourself Like, NOW

How many times have you woken up and been like, “Today is the day I’m going to have so much patience and I’m gonna be the best __________ EVER and my hair is gonna look amazing!?”

And then reality hits and you lose it on your kids, forget that work email and/or meeting and you have zero time to do your hair? Me. All the time. And then I’m in the car after I drop my kids off from their before school care just crying those UGLY mom guilt tears, questioning everything I’ve ever done in my life. Truth. Continue reading “5 Ways to Empower Yourself Like, NOW”

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