The Uncomfortable AF Thing That Happened At Winery That I BET Has Happened To You Too

The other day I dolled myself up and headed over to a local winery to celebrate a dear friend’s 30th birthday. I only had a few precious hours to spare because I had to get back to my own children, not to mention it was a Sunday and I had approximately 788 things to do to get ready for the week.

The winery was PACKED. My friends and I posted up on a grassy spot and were on the look out for the next table to become available. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw this man, standing alone, drinking a glass of wine. My woman spidey sense was piqued. This guy had creeper vibes alllll over him.

If you have a vagina, you totally know what I’m saying. Women are always on the look out for predators and I knew this man was here, at the winery alone, looking for something or someone. Yuck.

And my spidey sense was spot on, because surprise, surprise, this man turned out to be a creepy ass weirdo.

A table opened up and I grabbed the birthday girl to head over and check it out with me, leaving my other friend alone. (If the table was reserved or if another party got to it before us, I wanted us to have our grassy area still, hence why one friend stayed behind) Predators are clever. As soon as my friend and I were on our way to grab the table, creep bag McGee approached my lone friend.

I swear to you, it was like he was this nasty hyena waiting for an opportunity to attack the lone gazelle. (and I would NEVER give this individual the satisfaction of being something majestic like a lion.)

And can I just take this time to point out that men love to joke and point fun at women who go to the bathroom in groups, or head to the bar together. It is EXACTLY for this reason.

What happened next, was creepy dude pressured my friend into allowing him to join our group. He showed up at the table and proceeded to try to impress us with pointless banter and questions.

As I sat there with my friends, the minutes dripping down until I would have to leave to return home, I felt oddly powerless. I wanted this man to leave. I wanted to spend time with my FRIENDS. But for some reason (actually there’s like a billion reasons) I couldn’t bring myself to tell this guy to fuck off.

You see, this man wasn’t overtly hitting on us, getting too close for comfort, or saying sleazy things. Instead, he was just occupying this private space that was intended for me and my friends alone.

In the end, the poor birthday girl wound up getting up and asking for some support from the waitstaff of the winery. A huge bouncer dude approached our table, pulled creepy dude away and explained we didn’t want him there. But wait, it gets better.

Creepy dude COMES BACK to the table and calls us out for not wanting him there. “Look,” I said. “We are here with my friend for her birthday and we just want to enjoy our afternoon. We mean no harm to you, we just want to be left alone.” The guy huffed and puffed a little more and then finally left.

Unfortunately, the rest of the day was colored by this incident. My adrenaline was pumping over the fact that this man returned to the table to shame us over us not wanting him there. We all wondered where he had gone to and if he was still at the winery somewhere. Would he be in the parking lot as I left to go home?

From this incident, I realize that even though I tout myself as a strong woman, I have a lot of learning and growing to do. I realize that it is SO DIFFICULT to break out of the mold that society creates for women.

Girls and women are implicitly and explicitly taught to smooth over conflict, avoid confrontation, and come across as pleasant. Outward forms of anger are simply not as tolerated or accepted as they are when they come from men. This needs to change.

I have compiled a list of 5 things you can do get to creepy men to leave you tf alone. PUH-LEASE leave a comment adding to this list if you have more ideas, mamas! The more information and power we spread to one another- the better.

  1. Assert yourself using body language. Oftentimes creepy guys look for the women that look the most vulnerable. Fully turn your body towards the creep, look him in the eye, and tell him that you are not interested in a serious and stern voice. After that, turn your body away or if you can, walk away.
  2. Envision what your night/day/event would look like if this person WASN’T all up in your grill. I know you work DAMN hard to line up childcare, coordinate schedules, and ACTUALLY make it out of your house to meet up with friends and loved ones. How DARE another individual come and eff that up for you! Envision what your experience could be like if this person wasn’t disrespecting your boundaries and use that anger to tell him off.
  3. Envision what you would want your daughter, sister, friend, or loved one to do in the same situation. If someone was blowing past my kid’s boundaries I would want her to tell that guy to fuckkk offff in the clearest, most obvious way possible. WHY do we struggle so much when it comes to delivering that same advice to ourselves? Imagine if your daughter/niece/other young girl was there watching you in that situation. Respond in a way that would make her proud.
  4. Be honest but assertive. Something like, “No thank you. I’m here to spend time with my friends/family/co-workers. Have a good night!” (Here’s where I need to start taking my own advice!) Keep repeating “No thank you” until he realizes he cannot twist that into something else.
  5. Have a plan in place with your friends. A code word? A trip to the bathroom, stat? Have a plan in place so everyone is in on the operation and you can put it into action if needed.
  6. Remember it’s okay to ask for help. If someone still isn’t respecting your boundaries after you have been assertive, find another person you trust and let them know what is going on. Maybe they can tell the creep off in a way he actually will understand.

And finally I want to remind alllll of the moms out there again that we need to teach our daughters that being polite and kind isn’t always the answer. Teach your child to listen to her gut instincts and when someone makes her feel yucky, teach her to use her VOICE and get the hell out of there.

What are your thoughts? What is the craziest thing you have had to do to get out of a situation with a creep-bag? Do you have any other advice for women out there when faced with a similar situation? I would love to hear! Leave me a comment or email me at getempoweredmama@gmail.com!

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Feeling Ugly? Follow My Hilarious AF Steps to Turn Your Day Around.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever had one of those days where you just feel like you look like a bag of ass. ALL hands should be up, okay?! We have ALL been there. (And if you haven’t, you’re either one lucky son of a gun…or a LIAR.)

Maybe your makeup feels off, or your outfit is just blah, or you “feel” fat. All of it sucks, I know.

When you feel like you don’t physically look good, it can mess with your head, which in turns messes with your work production, how you interact with others, and so much more.

I’m going teach you how I take those days where I just feel like I look blah or my makeup is fugly or my outfit is nottt making me look 100% and I turn them into 100% winssss for me.

Step #1: Pinpoint what exactly is bothering you. There’s a BIG difference between not feeling well physically, versus not feeling like you look “good”. Make sure what you’re feeling isn’t actually hunger, or fatigue, or a nagging headache.

If you ARE feeling lousy due to one of those things, do everything in your power to address and it apply some self care. I give you permission to put off the laundry, or hold off on the emails, or whateverrrr it is that is hounding you and focus on taking care of your physical self.

I know that that last bit of advice may make some of you wanna punch me in the face, but seriously, if you don’t take care of YOU, everythingggg is going to fall apart. Mama, YOU run the show, remember? Just like in the plane with the oxygen mask thingy dingy- you need to take care of YOU, first.

So if it isn’t a physical ailment that is making you feel shitty, then what is it, exactly? Do you “feel fat”? Is your hair not cooperating today? Do you not feel modern or young? Do you just feel blah?

Pinpoint what exactly is making you feel less than and then move on to step numero dos, mamacita.

Step #2: Visualize WHO is profiting from YOU not liking YOU. I guaranteeee you, RIGHT freaking now, there are meetings taking place focusing on how marketers and companies can manipulate you to spend your hard af working money on their products and services.

And I can also tell you that the vast majority of these companies use scare tactics, scarcity models, and annnnnyyy other trick up their slimy little sleeves to make you spend money to feel better about yourself. (Omg just thinking about it has steam coming out of my EARS, you guys.)

So, here is what I want you to do. I want you to literally envision a circle and you are standing outside this circle. Okay, do you have your circle in your head? In the circle we have the blood sucking marketers, the flawless Instagram influencers, the blaring ads and media presence that scream that you just aren’t good enough. This circle is FULL of everything and everyone that makes you feel like a worthless piece of shit.

Tell me you have been the depressed yellow sad face before!?
Continue reading “Feeling Ugly? Follow My Hilarious AF Steps to Turn Your Day Around.”
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17 Quick Affirmations That Will INSTANTLY Help You Feel Better About YOU

Do you ever use affirmations? An affirmation is a POSITIVE message you tell yourself to replace a negative concept you have about yourself. The whole concept of positive affirmations may really rub some of you the wrong way. You may be thinking, I just think something positive and then I believe it? Nope.

Perhaps you could get into the practice of using THIS mantra!?

But you know WHAT!? Your thoughts are SO wildly strong, that YES, if you continue to practice a specific positive affirmation, you WILL start to believe in its message and feel better about YOU.

For an affirmation to work, consider the following:

  • Repeat your affirmation on a consistent, regular basis
  • If possible, repeat the affirmation into a mirror so you can see yourself saying it
  • Create affirmations that are focused on YOU and your specific needs
  • Recite your affirmations in the present tense
  • Write down your affirmation from time to time, or look at your affirmation in written form as well as repeating it to yourself
  • IF you are comfortable with this…ask another individual to repeat your affirmation to YOU. When you hear someone else express a sentiment, it can be very effective.

Soooo when should you use these bad boys!? Use affirmations when you need a pep talk. Try using affirmations in the following places of your life:

Continue reading “17 Quick Affirmations That Will INSTANTLY Help You Feel Better About YOU”
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