The Fall Out
It was brought to my attention that my husband was involved with another woman. Again. Third time. But this time was different. This time, it was the same woman from the time before, and things had progressed from text messages and occasional phone calls to crossing the line into the physical.
Prior to the discovery that his affair had turned physical, I never considered leaving my husband. I’m not kidding when I say that had maintained and cultivated a vision for myself since I was in high school: I wanted a gorgeous husband, a beautiful house, a career, and healthy, well-adjusted children. I wanted it all. And I busted my ASS to make it happen for myself. My kids are freaking awesome, my house is gorgeous, and I love my job. However, that part with the husband didn’t stick. After about a week of observing my husband’s actions, and reflecting on my own emotions, and analyzing our fractured relationship I realized that the vision I had had for myself since I was a young girl was over. This affair was a relationship that my husband actually wanted to pursue. The dreaded ‘d’ word, divorce, came into view for the first time in my entire life.
Will You Stab Me in the Back?
While my life was falling apart during this time, we attended a birthday party of a family friend. Super fun, right? While I was stuffing Doritos in my face, a beautiful woman arrived. She was young, super friendly, had an amazing ass, and she knew it, too. I hated her. I mean, I wanted to scream at her, “WHO GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO WEAR THAT ADORABLE CROP TOP WITH YOUR AMAZING ABS!?” and punch her in the face and race off on a motorcycle. I don’t know how to ride a motorcycle, but it seems like it would be fitting for the situation. These nasty, girl-hating emotions made me feel completely and utterly disgusted with myself. I mean, I was a Girl Scout leader that was supposed to empower and lift up other women, but here I was fantasizing about knocking someone out, simply for being gorgeous and confident. I hated that I felt this way.
Even though I knew my husband and I were separating, I had this crazy day-dream idea that this birthday party woman would somehow get my husband’s number, contact him, begin another sordid affair, and further crush my soul into oblivion. What resulted from all this was I literally sat at this big, happy birthday party filled with people and did not talk to anyone. Instead of talking to a new acquaintance, or playing with my kids, I sat and I stewed and I worried and I hated that bitch woman for being beautiful and friendly and confident. All I could think was, “She would stab me in the back, just like the other ones did.”
I left that experience feeling drained, disappointed, and worried. It was horrible. I didn’t want this to be the way I reacted to other women. I started a conversation with myself on the ride home. I told myself, “Even though another woman crossed the line with your husband does NOT mean all women are deceitful and duplicitous. In fact, most women are amazing, super hero, bad asses.” (If you need a pick-me-up please listen to this Hailee Steinfeld song! It’s my anthem these days.) Could I ever get this through my head and live my life making other women feel empowered?
My A-Ha Moment
I made a decision that day. I definitely could let what had happened to me bring me down, make me question every friendship, or judge every beautiful woman I came into contact with for the rest of my life. But I decided to take my rage, my sorrow, and my distrust into my own hands. I decided to take my power back and transform those shitty emotions into something beautiful. I made a pact with myself. I decided that from that moment on, every woman I came into contact with, I would do everything in my power to offer my support, love, and encouragement. I would go out of my way to find women to give compliments, ask questions, invite people places, strike up a conversation, and be as open and real as humanly possible.
Give It A Try
Here are some steps you can take starting today to help empower yourself and other women around you:
Start small. If you never ever talk to anyone when you bring the kids to the park, simply say hello or smile at another mama who is there with her kids. Or, if that bank teller has a gorgeous manicure, let her know you think she looks good. Sometimes we think giving compliments gives away our power, but in fact, it explodes our self-esteem to help others feel good in a genuine way.
Take Back Your Power. If a woman did you wrong in the past, and it is still bringing you down, give yourself permission to empathize with that women. Now, I don’t mean to say that you should give this other woman a pass, but instead, really dig deep as to why the behaved in such a manner. Ten times out of ten, I shit you not, I has NOTHING to do with you. In my case, I thought deeply about the woman who my husband had an affair with. I realized she was a stay-at-home mom with a husband that had systematically isolated her and forced her to be reliant on him financially, and in every other way. She was miserable. Her dad died the year before, and she probably didn’t have any men in her life that made me feel safe, or beautiful. No wonder she probably was so okay with engaging in an affair; she was at the end of her rope in so many ways. By realizing these things on my end, I have had the ability to release this woman from my life. I no longer harbor ill-will for her. If I see her at my kids’ school, or at the neighborhood pool, or at the grocery store, I will not stare her down or sling insults at her. I truly wish her the best. Taking back my power has been the best thing for me to do in the entirety of this situation.
By realizing these things on my end, I have had the ability to release this woman from my life. I no longer harbor ill-will for her.
Remember You Are A Bad Ass Warrior. You won’t get too far trying to build up other women until you take the time to really recognize your own strength, power, and beauty. I created a list of empowering mantras to keep on my phone, and when I’m feeling a moment of self-doubt, I bust those out. Some of them include, “I choose what I become”, “No one can make me feel inferior without my consent.”, and “I know my truth.”
Read Some Books. I read Rachel Hollis’s book, ‘Girl, Wash Your Face’ in like one night. So much of it resonated with me. Each chapter is dedicated to debunking lies we tell ourselves as women without even realizing it. So powerful, so funny, so so real.
Please leave a comment letting me know how you have empowered either yourself, or other women in the comments section! Now get out there and empower the hell out of other woman you bad ass warrior babe!